How to Book Goldberg vs. Lesnar

This match is getting…..SOOOO much hate. And I get why. This match in my opinion is the pinnacle for “unrealized potential”. It did not live up to the hype and arguably on one of, if not the best WrestleMania of all time in terms of name value and match execution. I mean you had names ranging from Ultimo Dragon all the way to Shawn Michaels. This was a genuine who’s who of wrestling talent.

Goldberg and Lesnar was supposed to be the Home Run Derby of the card. These men were supposed to be destroy parts of New York’s most famous arena due to their physicality.

At the time Lesnar had this aura about him that he was a Kurt Angle type, in terms of how he worked (he wasn’t). Goldberg was also a solid worker. Fight me, he knew how to move. And lets be real, this match wasn’t bad. It just wasn’t what we expected. It was Pacquiao and Mayweather. Not bad, just not what we wanted.

Now, at 50, Goldberg can’t move like he did 13 years ago. At 39, Lesnar has de-evolved into a Goldberg knock-off. Goldberg has three moves, a gorilla press, a spear and a jackhammer. Which is still one more than Lesnar has.

Goldberg probably can’t bump like he used to and Lesnar hates to, so how is this match going to live up to the expectation? Well…firstly you can’t have Goldberg just turn around and job out in 21 seconds. That’d leave too many people talking about “fluke” and a possible rematch.

We can’t let that happen.

So how do we fix this? We look to *gasp* Impact Wrestling (TNA). In 2011, Impact Wrestling booked an extremely fun, and very exciting match between Sting and Hulk Hogan. Now, Sting was in his fifties, and could still bump and grind with the best of them. Hogan….eh….not so much. So Sting spent the entire match selling for Hogan, and trying to get Hogan to “come back” to his Hulkamania roots. Eventually there was run in’s, Garrett Bischoff did his job, Hogan tapped, then turned face and there ya go.

But in between there, Sting and Hogan brawled. They brawled and brawled. This is what we do at WrestleMania. No Holds Barred. No Disqualifications. WE FIGHT ALL NIGHT!

You have Goldberg and Lesnar meet on the ramp and start fist fighting. Goldberg throws Lesnar into the barricades, Lesnar throws Goldberg into the barricade. Goldberg hits a German-Suplex, Goldberg a Gorilla Press, then we go into the ring. Lesnar eats a spear, then a jackhammer, then a kick out right before three.

“OH NO!”, Cole will say annoyingly.

That’s when Paul Heyman tries to interfere and lures Goldberg out of the ring. Lesnar attacks Goldberg again, and drives him into the barricade again. Then maybe chuck him into the corner ring post.

Ol’ Billy will rebound and take the fight into the crowd where you can have a cool spot where Goldberg spears Lesnar into “fans” before taking him back into the ring. At this point, you should be around 8-9 minutes.

Lesnar should reverse the next in-ring spear into an F-5 for a quick 1-count. Goldberg should start doing that head bobbing, cheek-flapping head shake he does so much as he rises to his feet. Lesnar will, of course, hit another F-5 this time for at two count.

Both men rise to their feet slowly and Goldberg hits a third spear in the ring, but fails to capitalize. Heyman gets in Goldbergs face again, slaps him (maybe), thus resulting in Goldberg grabbing Heyman by the throat, thus ending any possibility of Goldberg sending Heyman a Hanukkah card this year.

As Goldberg threatens the Walrus, Lesnar will hit a low blow, before lifting up Goldberg again for an F-5. He hits it, again, only a two count. This time Lesnar is back up fast (thanks to the ropes), and hits another. However, instead of pinning Goldberg, he lifts him up again, and hits a third straight F-5. At this point he hooks the leg and Lesnar gets the three count, ending the match and awarding Lesnar the title.

This should take you to about 12 minutes if you do everything right.

Very little bumping. Some selling. Really the best bet. If you let both men bleed, even better. You’re not going to get Kenny Omega vs. Okada in any way shape or form for this event, so don’t try. Get a brawl out of these two power houses. Let Goldberg flex his muscles just a bit. Show Lesnar is willing to work something different, even if only slightly.

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