Fuck Grant Morrison.   I can’t understand why people find his writing to be good.  This is…this is just no.  From the writing to the art, this book fails across the board.  Robert Venditti, Tim Seeley and Sam Humphries did great work on the Green Lantern books sine the start of Rebirth.  Then when Green Lanterns was given to Dan Jurgens to end the book, he blended so much into the narrative.

Things were established.  Most notably at the end of Hal Jordan and the Green Lantern Corp, we see Jordan reconcile with Carol Ferris for the first time in nearly five years.  You know, after Kyle Rayner stepped in for sometime.  Did Morrison respect this?  Did we get some kind of resolution or commentary about this canonical change back to the norm?

Nope.

Venditti gave us conclusion to a story arch no fans wanted in the first place.  It’s one thing to not have them together, it’s another thing to keep these two primary characters away from each other for so long.  It makes no damn sense.

So how does Morrison handle Hal’s romantic life?

CAROL ISN’T BLONDE.  Or named Eve.

Good job Morrison.  I need to say though, that this isn’t the worst bit.  Sure, you can put an explainer in later issues where Hal states that Carol was glad he’s back but wasn’t interested in reconciling anytime soon.  Sure.

But that doesn’t excuse Morrison for his shitty aliens and his subversive style.  Hey, you know what’s fun?  Bum fight jokes. GOOD JOB, YA DICK.  No, seriously.  At one point Jordan is lying in the middle of the desert.  No, for real.  No reason.  Just laying there.  Like a dork.  Then he gets approached by a homeless man, apparently and the two start talking.  Then, uh oh, they’re aliens and….well, you see.

So not only do we have some kind of weird set ups, like all of Morrison’s books, but we also get him dehumanizing the homeless for jokes.  Cus Morrison is a twat.

Then there are the new characters.  Firstly, there’s a virus.  A cold virus to be exact.  That uses his ability…her ability….it’s ability(?) to  torture people by making them sick. Yup.  Don’t even worry about the core concept of what it takes to become a Green Lantern.  You know, being a good person.  But nope, Morrison thinks torture is a valid concept.

Then we get…this fucker.

This dude dies, so no worries.  But he out and out says he didn’t want to be a Green Lantern and took the ring only because his family told him to.  Why would the ring come for him if he didn’t have the desire to be one.  Jessica Cruz wanted to heal, so the ring coming to her made sense.  But this guy?  Why?

The core concept of this issue involves Hal Jordan dealing with a gopher, yes, a gopher that is attacking a city.  Because Morrison.  Now, the Green Lantern Corp has squirrels, chipmunks and a whole planet, so sure, why not fight a gopher (or beaver?).  But this is Morrison again subverting expectations.

You know what we call that in the real world?  When you intentionally flip the script on fans just to shock them?  Bad storytelling.  Star Wars: Last Jedi didn’t subvert expectations, because in story telling there is no such thing.  Hal Jordan: The Green Lantern and Last Jedi did the same thing; failed to deliver.

If you subvert expectations, you simply fail as a writer.  It’s one thing to swerve someone, or use a red-herring, but to just make something so different than what was expected is a flat out failure.

But Morrison isn’t alone. The art…the art is just as bad. No, there is some great work at times.  like to the left.

I love this page and it’s really the only page that I feel like works.  You have the swirl of emerald light in the dessert, combining to make this cool green hued sandstorm; while Jordan stands heroically with a fully recharged ring.  The page happens right after Jordan finds an injured Lantern and uses his power battery to charge his ring.  It’s a solid segment but that’s it.

But then….but then there’s this shit.  I can’t even get past how bad this looks.  This was billed as a space cop procedural story.  This looks…horrifying.  The panel makes Jordan look sickly and ill, like Power Ring made him look in Earth 3.

Like damn, that is a horrifying design.  Not even powerful or heroic.  The opposite of such.  Evil.  Just evil.

And then you have this space ship looking thing.  It’s just..ugly looking.  I was promised a space-epic.  Grant Morrison is going to come in and do this epic “blah-blah-blah” bullshit.  Gross.

Then you have the reveal of new lantern types.  Like Radio Lantern, X-Ray Lanterns, Gamma Lanterns..and they are all pa  rt of the Guardians Lantern Corp.  Why?  Why go even further into this muck.  The other colors was cool, but to go with different spectrums?   This is ridiculous, convoluted and unnecessary.  Keep in mind that Morrison ended the Final Crisis book with Superman fighting a giant, god like vampire.

Yup.

And then the story ends with this shit.

OH GOOD, a Hal Jordan look-a-like!  CUS WE NEEDED THAT.

I hate that this book is getting good reviews, because fans are under the impression that if you don’t like Morrison’s work, it’s because you aren’t “smart enough to get what he’s doing.”

Fuck that noise.  This is drek.  Drek in a glass of drek with dreck sprinkles on it.

By all means if you like Morrison….why…but also go for it.  Read this book.  This is Morrison at his…most British-y?  Just know that it’s always down hill from here.  The stuff he writes is often times so over the top and convoluted that it kills the enjoyment.  He’s the king of dead expectations.  This series will probably be highly touted, because he’s the Joss Whedon of comics; everyone praises his work but no one seems to watch (read) it.

So if you’re a fan of the over the top, nonsensical, expectations subversions that he’s so famous for; you’re going to love this.

If you like epic story telling, built off of years of hype and anticipation, with shit that makes sense and feels organic; then stay the fuck away.