Christmas is here! Merry Christmas all, and because it’s Christmas, here are the Top Five Christmas Movies of all time!
Some honorable mentions:
Nightmare Before Christmas – It’s a running debate, “is it a Halloween or Chistmas movie?” Who cares. It’s weird, catchy and has some cool Christmas visuals. It’s not the end-all-be-all of movies like some will say, but it fills a niche.
Batman Returns – If you douches will argue “Die Hard” as a Christmas movie, may I present “Batman Returns”? I’m not a big fan of the film but it’s Batman, and it’s based during Christmas time…so….There ya go!
Love Actually – I really do love this film. I’m not sure entirely why it’s so low though. There are some minor plots that drag a bit, like the one involving Rick Grimes being in love with this best friend’s wife, or the one with Laura Linney. It also started the craze of A-List ensemble love stories; so that doesn’t help.
Jingle all the Way – It’s Arnie and Sinbad trying to get a “Turtle Man”. It’s great. And Fuck Booster. But this film does take a hit from having Jake Lloyd (Anakin Skywalker in Episode I) as one of its stars.
The Grinch (Animate) – I mean, it’s a classic. Plus that song the Who’s sing. Fucking awesome.
The Grinch (just the live action Grinch scenes) – The film fails in a lot of ways. Cindy Lou Who is adorable, and Jim Carrey’s Grinch is the best rendition of him ever, but the rest of the film fails to capture the same magic as the original; shoehorning in jokes about being in dept and how common it is to max out credit cards really kills the spirit the animated version created. Still, The Grinch in this film is brilliant.
6*) Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang
– Ok, so yes it’s a ‘Top Five’ list but I have to include this. I don’t associate this film with Christmas at all, that’s why it’s at six, but it does take place during Christmas. Like, it’s pretty obvious it does too. It gets its own slot and asterisk though because out of every movie on this list it’s my personal favorite. The film follows a low level thief (Robert Downery Jr.), who while running from the police ends up in a script reading for a new movie. He gets the part as a P.I. and is paired with Val Kilmer, who is supposed to show him the ropes of being a P.I. They end up getting pulled into an actual murder though and the dark humor and hijinks go from there. It’s got a great cast, some smart writing and a pretty decent murder mystery. Plus Kilmer and Downey are fantastic together.
5) The Santa Clause
– Full disclosure, the next three films make this list purely for nostalgia and the feelings that they illicit from me. So suck it. But who doesn’t love this film? It continues the motif that Santa Claus is a job, one that the next film will also explore, and what would happen if you were forced to take on the role. While you either love or hate Tim Allen these days, I’m a fan of his, even if I don’t agree with his politics. So I have no problem popping this in, and laughing at the way he paints the picture of Santa’s murderous death spree in his TOTAL TANK. Plus, Bernard is everything I strive to be in life, but unfortunately Neil is the one everyone wants me to be. Psh. Also, thanks to this film I now think ZZ Top and Denny’s are as Christmasy as pine trees. So that’s something.
4) Ernest Saves Christmas
– Fuck anyone who mocks you for liking Ernest movies, Jim Varney is righteous. The film also follows the notion of the job of Santa Claus being passed down over a period of time, and while unlike “The Santa Clause” – where the job is passed down after the death of a Santa – this film follows the notion of needing to find a successor. Ernest is stuck in the middle, as always, as he accidentally ends up with Santa’s magical toy sack, and ends up having to help out Santa find his successor and make sure Christmas happens. While it’s a story about passing down tradition, the humor is epic and the stand out comedy bit for me has to be the reindeer scene at Customs. It’s still, by far, the best Christmas related comedy bit ever.
3) Muppets Christmas Carol
– It’s A Christmas Carol narrated by Gonzo and Rizzo, and has Animal playing a role written by Charles Dickens. There is no better way to read the words of Dickens then by having fluffy, stuffed puppets do it. It features a strong performance from Michael Caine as Scrooge. His banter with Statler and Waldorf is the thing of legends. Brilliant. If you’re looking for a more traditional Christmas film, but with a fun twist, this is for you.
2) The Gremlins
-. If you don’t love this film as a Christmas movie I can’t help you. Now, if you don’t love this film on it’s own…then there’s nothing anyone can do for you. This is the quintessential Christmas movie. You get cute little stuffed animals, obvious and evil little creatures who want to ruin everything, and a return of the best part of “The Santa Clause”; Judge Reinhold. The film’s your standard horror-comedy affair, so you’re not going to get the most original plot. There’s just a lot of running and screaming in between the bits of humor. Typical 80’s horror-comedy layout. However it does have a cute gimmick in Gizmo, and it does use the Christmas setting well. And for those of you that need more of a “Christmas argument” to accept this film, well, the entire plot of the film happens because the Father of the film is gift shopping for his family. You can’t miss with this festive film.
1) The Faculty
– Unlike every other film on this list, “The Faculty” actually debuted in theaters on Christmas day. So despite the fact it’s set in the late summer when school returns, and there’s no real inkling that fall, let alone winter, is anywhere near; the film gets the ultimate of passes by being released on Christmas. The film follows a few teenagers who use illegal drugs to fight off an alien invasion that has targeted a small town. Why take over a small town first? Well, it’s easier to take over a small town no one is expecting than Washington D.C. Pretty sound logic. Beyond the logic, the film has a great cast, likeable main characters, twists, turns and a great sci-fi flavor throughout it. So yes, this is the ultimate Christmas film. Don’t agree? Make your own list.